We have all been there in one way or another; we all experience setbacks, self-doubt, disappointment, perceived failures, feelings of rejection, and adversity in our lives. Sometimes this happens with relationships. Sometimes it's finances, the loss of a loved one, health issues, or any other unexpected event that leads to tough times.

Sometimes you just feel stuck; like you have always done your best, but you have been hit hard and are struggling to accept it and move forward. In the meantime, you're watching everyone else knock it out of the park.

No matter how you arrive at this difficult place, the question remains:

How do I rebound?

I wish I could say the answer was simple. I wish I could just say "Do A B C and boom, everything is back to normal."

But instead, I will say that perceived failure can be a gift.

The Gift of Failure

Note: There is a really good blog we published called The Importance of Goals and Self-Discipline, if you need a jump start this might be a good option to read after this one.

It probably sounds strange to say that failure can be anything but a setback. But in those moments when you're feeling the inevitable negative emotions that come with failure, you can choose to play the blame game, or you can choose to engage in some serious self-reflection. If you choose the former, then you will likely never learn and grow from your mistakes. Choose the latter, and you will begin building resilience as you take positive steps toward preventing future setbacks.

Hitting rock bottom often gives you a chance to reassess your life and priorities. Are you taking care of the things that matter most? Have you thought about what success means to you, and how you will know when you've achieved it? Are you the best version of yourself? Are you living with a purpose? Or are you simply going through the motions, without being intentional in life or in business?

I am going to give you something right now. 

Go to https://www.theevolutionmediagroup.com/pl/2147681476 Download the mindset workshop. This is the first step in rebounding, as it will help bring clarity to your situation and how to improve it.

3 Ways to Bounce Back and Combat Negative Feelings

I have experienced many ups and downs in the real estate business, and in life. Today, I want to share with you three ways I've found to help me bounce back when I experience setbacks.

1. Learn to Say "Fuck It"

If you are rebuilding, you have to begin somewhere. You cannot begin climbing a mountain from the top. The only way to begin is at the bottom. The problem is, many of us get caught up in the present moment of how things are, not how they could be. We feel burdened by the obstacles of NOW, and we struggle to gain traction in changing that to what we want LATER. We feel the pain of the present and we lose confidence in our ability to create the change that we want. And we give up before we've even started.

Is your credit banged up? Then fine, it is banged up. Have you lost money? Relationships? Whatever it is that's presenting a challenge, accept that you're here, and let your desire for something better help you stay focused and overcome the issue. Refuse to give up before or soon after you've started. Be resilient. Make a plan and stay focused on achieving your goal. Get to the other side of the challenge by being persistent, and consistent, and by improving your mindset about the situation. The benefits of these actions will be delayed, but they will come, with time, repetition, and patience.

2. Consider Eliminating People or Things from Your Life & Business

When it comes to people, not everyone will contribute to your growth and progress. You might need to say goodbye to bad influences, or toxic friends who keep you from reaching you dreams. You might even need to walk away from someone you love. I know it is not easy, but sometimes part of the human experience is making tough decisions that lead to positive growth.

To determine whether you need to eliminate anyone from your life, ask yourself a few key questions:

• Am I the best version of myself when I'm around this person?

• How do I feel when I am with them?

• Are the activities I engage in when I'm with this person benefitting me, or weighing me down?

If any of the answers to these questions lead you to a negative result, then you might want to consider removing or at least reducing that person's influence on your world.

3. Let Go of Attachments and Expectations

Often our suffering comes from an attachment to an outcome or expectation. When we remove that expectation there can be no suffering. What have you been attached to? What expectations have you had? Identify whether those attachments and expectations are necessary and beneficial to you. Can you adjust any of them to make room for a new future?

If you take a close look at how you're feeling, you might find that the loss of whatever it is you were expecting is even more upsetting to you than the setbacks you're working through. Letting go of those expectations can do wonders for your mental health and overall sense of well-being. The stress that comes from unrealized expectations can often be worse than the failure itself.

In Buddhism, there is a Parable of the Second Arrow. The Buddha taught that any time we suffer misfortune, two arrows are fired. Being struck by the first arrow is unavoidable. We will all suffer unintended problems and loss. But the second arrow is how we respond to the first one. We are in control of whether or not we get hit by that arrow.

The Buddha explained, "In life, we can't always control the first arrow. However, the second arrow is our reaction to the first. The second arrow is optional." Are you shooting yourself with a second arrow, beating yourself up over what you've lost or mistakes you've made? When you're off course, do you learn the lessons you need in order to prevent future disappointment, or do you resist growth, wallow in sadness, and beat yourself up?

Let go of the second arrow. Adjust your mindset. Accept where you are. Let go of attachments and expectations. Begin the daily activities that will help you build confidence and resilience.

Prevent Future Setbacks by Rebuilding Stronger

With the pain of your setbacks behind you, it is time to put the pieces back together. Once you've gone through the process, acknowledged what needed to change, and laid the groundwork to do so, you can rebuild stronger and better than ever before. Figure out what brings you true peace and happiness, and build from there.

When I was putting my life and business back together after some big setbacks, I realized that the big house, the summer home, the boat and the camper did not bring me happiness. I much preferred to spend that time with my children. Being there for them after school to talk and hang out with them meant more to me than anything. I realized I made a lot of money, and I had the rest of my life to make even more. But I only have a small window with my children. So I gave up the big fancy things and replaced them with something far more important: time with my family. Now they are older, and I know I made the right decision. I wouldn't trade that time for anything.

What is it you really want? 

What drives you?

What income do you need?

How are you going to attain it?

What activities do you need to do every single day to reach these goals?

Through my opportunities to rebound, I found that, when I help people, I grow a little bit more inside. I continued to eliminate toxic people and situations. While it became lonely in a way, it also brought peace and quiet, which allowed me to think and focus better on what mattered most.

Negative Emotions in the Present Moment Can Lead to Better Things in the Future

The next time you're experiencing a setback, remember that sometimes we need to implode before we explode into something great. Sometimes we need to get small before we get big.

With an atomic bomb, following the initial blast, the pressure is so great that it causes another explosion, which creates a mushroom cloud up to 10 miles high.

There is no end to how far a setback can take you when you decide to use that setback as a point of positive adjustment. Take some time. Figure out what drives and stops you. Often the simplest mindset shift is all it takes to set off a chain reaction of positive events.

Do not let the criticism of others control you. Most people are looking for opportunities to tear others down in an effort to lift themselves up. When someone is criticizing you, they are usually just feeling bad about themselves and projecting that onto you. Plug your ears and keep your eyes on the road ahead of you.

Find people who build you up not tear you down. Keep those people close and draw boundaries of steel around the rest. And when you are at the top of that hill, turn around and help others. The more people you help, the better you will feel. And the more people you talk with and lend a hand to, the more opportunity will present itself in your own life and business.

Till next time,

Johnny Mo

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